Author: Mike Nova

• Lace Larrabee is a 41-year-old who felt that Thanksgiving was a burden she carried alone.
• After divorcing her husband nearly two years ago, she has started dating her girlfriend.
• The two women share the load now when it comes to celebrations.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Lace Larrabee, a touring stand-up comedian. It has been edited for length and clarity.

Until this year, I had always been the person in my relationships who planned and implemented holiday plans — first with my long-term boyfriend and then with my husband. It all fell on me.

Gatherings with family and friends to celebrate is a priority for me, but my past partners never seemed interested in birthdays, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. I just took it all on myself.

We got divorced, and 6 months later, I met someone new

I remember that for past Thanksgiving meals, I would spend the day before prepping the food and wake up early on Thanksgiving to finish cooking and decorating. I wanted it, the celebration, and so it was all on me.

I recently wrote about it on Threads, and found that so many women resonated with how I have felt about holidays in the past. I wasn’t alone. It’s common to see that women are the ones on whom the burden of celebrating falls.

In July 2024, my husband and I split, and I moved out of the house.

Just over six months later, I met Alix, a woman who was taking a stand-up comedy class I was teaching.

After the class finished, Alix got in touch to say she was interested in me. I told her I was interested in her too, but said she didn’t want this — I was complicated and had lots going on. She replied: “Yes, I do.”

We started dating in the spring and have been together since.

She likes to plan with me for the holidays

Right away, we became partners, not just companions, when it came to planning for activities, events, and celebrations.

I remember telling Alix I really wanted to go to a concert in Florida with her. She told me she would love to go with me. She was just as enthusiastic as I was. We booked an Airbnb together, shared expenses for travel, and she planned a romantic way to officially ask me to be her girlfriend, thinking through every detail to make it special for me.

We have planned a Fourth of July weekend getaway, a birthday celebration, and Halloween together. I haven’t had to force her; she’s wanted to share the load of these celebrations with me.

Our families are spending Thanksgiving together

Months ago, Alix told me she wanted to host Thanksgiving at her house, bringing both of our families together to celebrate.

After creating a menu together, Alix created a group chat with everyone invited, asking each person to share what they would bring.

Together we made seating arrangements. Together we decorated (the house is decorated for Christmas, and the table for Thanksgiving). Together we shopped. Together we’ll cook. Together we’ll clean.

It has been so unlike any Thanksgiving I’ve ever hosted previously. Before, it had always felt stressful, frustrating, and overwhelming to do it all alone. But this Thanksgiving is different, because I now have a partner to share it with. I’m doing this with someone. I didn’t know holidays could be like this. It makes me look forward to all the celebrations to come.

Growing up, my dad and mom always shared the burden of everything. They were partners. It was something I had always wanted in my own relationships, but I never had it, until now.