Day: August 10, 2025

• For Love & Money is a column from Business Insider answering your relationship and money questions.
• This week, a reader wonders whether they should rent their daughter’s house after a rocky past.
• Our columnist suggests having an open and honest conversation rather than assuming the worst.
• Have a question for our columnist? Write to For Love & Money using this Google form.

Dear For Love & Money,

In the past couple of years, I’ve gone through some rough patches with my health, work, and housing. After being displaced from my apartment due to a fire, my daughter allowed me to move in with her and my 5-year-old grandson. I watched my grandson after school the entire 2023-2024 academic year.

In the summer of 2024, my daughter told me she was moving into an apartment and wanted to sell her house. She knew I’d applied for Social Security disability benefits, but wouldn’t allow me to live in her house while waiting to get approved. I became homeless for six months, during which time she never contacted me.

At the end of 2024, I was approved for my disability benefits, and my daughter said I could rent her house for $800 a month. Am I wrong for renting her house?

Sincerely,

Abandoned Parent

Dear Abandoned,

I want to start by answering your question about whether you’re wrong for renting from your daughter. Simply put, no.

Accepting your daughter’s generosity and renting from her isn’t wrong. A little relational compromise is better than sleeping in your car. But it’s clear that your question goes beyond the logistical issue of renting from your daughter and gets at deeper interpersonal tensions that may have started long before she kicked you out.

I don’t know your daughter, and I don’t know why she made the decisions she did. From the tone of your letter, it seems that the part that stung the most for you wasn’t her decision to only allow you to live with her as long as you could contribute something, but her silence in the interim. The only way to clear things up between the two of you is to talk to her about it.

On the surface, your daughter kicking you out while you waited for your Social Security to come through looks heartless, but I’d encourage you to look deeper. Focus less on how her choice impacted you, and more on what motivated that choice. A daughter who gave you a place to stay when you had nowhere else to go and is now renewing that offer isn’t heartless. Perhaps there’s something else going on.

She may have been experiencing shame or embarrassment that her circumstances forced her to make such a hard choice. Maybe you inadvertently did something to upset her, and she needed those six months to process and move forward. Perhaps she was dealing with personal issues such as a custody battle, financial troubles, or a bad relationship, and because she recognized how much you were struggling, she didn’t want to burden you with it. Maybe she holds deep-seated feelings of hurt or anger from your past interactions or how you raised her, which she’s still struggling with.

This is all wild speculation on my part since I have no idea why your daughter let you be homeless for six months without speaking to you, but it doesn’t seem like you do either, and the only way to find out is by having an open and vulnerable conversation with her, without being defensive.

If you confront her with accusations of abandonment and all the ways she hurt you, you are unlikely to get clarity or comfort. Instead, get curious about what is going on in her life, and ask her how you can help.

There is an order we often expect from life: caring for our kids for 18 years, enjoying the next few decades as friends and equals, and then, as age and circumstance take away our independence, being cared for by our children. There is nothing wrong with this script; in fact, the mutual care and loving service it outlines is beautiful. But as you reach the chapter where your child takes care of you, it’s important to remember that they will always be your child, and you will always be their parent.

When our lives become as tumultuous and stressful as it sounds like yours has been, it’s natural that we turn our energy inward and focus solely on our survival. For the people in our lives who rely on us, however, this can feel like abandonment. Ensuring they don’t feel this way requires us to stay attuned to their lives, even as we struggle with our own.

Your daughter may be standing on her own two feet just fine, but having her parent care enough to check in and offer their support in whatever way they can will always have the same impact as a warm hug. Watching your grandson after school was an excellent way you did this. Offer to renew this care while you pay rent, not as a barter with your daughter, but as a way to demonstrate that she can always count on your love.

Try not to assume the worst of your daughter. Try not to assume anything at all. Instead, focus on what she needs from you and the health of your relationship.

Whether your daughter eventually decides to sell the house and leave you on your own again or not, you can still maintain your relationship with her. By remembering that’s the most important thing, you can ensure that no matter what life throws at either of you, you’ll always have one another to carry you through.

Rooting for you,

For Love & Money

Looking for advice on how your savings, debt, or another financial challenge is affecting your relationships? Write to For Love & Money using this Google form.

A gunman who believed the Covid-19 vaccine had made him ill fired at the agency’s Atlanta offices, killing a police officer and rattling the public health community.

The night before they went shopping for a dress for the 2023 Miss Teen USA pageant, UmaSofia Srivastava‘s mother had a dream. Her then-16-year-old daughter was wearing a purple gown — and a crown.

That dream came true, complete with the purple dress, but there was no premonition of what would come next.

Eight months after winning her title, Srivastava and Noelia Voigt became the first Miss Teen USA and Miss USA to step down in the organization’s 72-year history.

Bound by strict nondisclosure agreements, the two couldn’t reveal much, but their mothers spoke up for them, sharing that the pageant queens had endured “eight months of torture and abuse” under the leadership of Miss USA CEO Laylah Rose — allegations that Rose has denied.

It’s been a long-standing tradition for the Miss USA and Miss Teen USA winners to take a farewell walk across the stage before they crown their successors. Voigt and Srivastava never got that chance — until last week. On August 2, they said goodbye to their pageant careers at the brand-new Miss All-American competition in Charleston, South Carolina.

In their first joint interview since the historic resignations, Voigt and Srivastava spoke to Business Insider about coping with the aftermath, what comes next, and why they still believe in pageants.

A fresh start

On August 1, the night before their farewell walk, Voigt, 25, and Srivastava, 18, sat across from me at the North Charleston Performing Arts Center, where dress rehearsals for the inaugural Miss All-American pageant — with 117 contestants from 28 states — were in full swing.

Across the parking lot was a sold-out Embassy Suites, where contestant headshots fluttered across balconies like flags. Well-meaning parents politely interrupted our conversation every so often, asking for directions or where they could drop off an emergency box of tampons.

As ambassadors for the new national pageant, Voigt and Srivastava were able to experience the entrenched traditions they gave up when they resigned in May 2024. They even took part in the sashing ceremony, bequeathing the contestants with white ribbons emblazoned with the name of their respective hometowns.

“It’s a stark contrast from what we experienced before,” Voigt said as we discussed the new pageant. “There were many times during the week where Uma and I would just look at each other and be like, ‘Wow, this is really what it should be.'”

Running Miss All-American is another Miss USA alum. Paula Miles was a director for multiple state pageants with the Miss USA organization for 45 years before she resigned in June due to Rose’s leadership. At the time, her son Ryan Miles, who served as codirector, told me it had been the “worst year of our professional life.”

“For her to walk away from something she built and the amount of lives she’s changed, she wanted people’s eyes to be open for what the organization has become,” he said in July 2024.

The Miles family wasn’t ready to leave the world of pageants. So they revived the defunct Miss Teen All-American pageant — which helped launch Halle Berry‘s career after she won in 1985 — and added the titles of Miss All-American and Miss All-American Junior.

Voigt said it was a “no-brainer” when they asked her and Srivastava to join as national ambassadors.

“I didn’t even need time to think about it,” Voigt said. “They recognized that we did not get the ending we were hoping for. It wasn’t even something we thought would be a possibility.”

“And we were OK with that,” Srivastava added. “We knew what we were stepping away from. All the people on this team really understood what we were going through, and I think that’s why it’s been so beautiful for all of us.”

“It’s like a big reunion and a safe place for all of us to heal from a dream that didn’t quite work out, but to work on creating something that does,” Srivastava said.

New year, same problems

Voigt and Srivastava became invisible during their reigns as Miss USA and Miss Teen USA. Their mothers, Barbara Srivastava and Jackeline Voigt, said Rose repeatedly refused to book appearances for their daughters and impersonated them in comments on the Miss USA and Miss Teen USA social-media pages.

Jackeline Voigt said Rose’s communication was “so abusive, so aggressive,” it would leave her daughter “shaking just to see a text or a call or an email from Laylah.”

In her official Miss USA resignation letter, Voigt detailed the “detrimental mental and emotional toll” of her time as Miss USA, saying that she had been prescribed two anxiety medications due to Rose’s constant harassment.

“I’ve never ever in my life been on anti-anxiety medication,” Voigt said in Charleston. “It wasn’t something that came out of nowhere. It was a byproduct of the situation that we were in. I felt like I had to put on a facade to represent the organization because I had this title, but I didn’t agree with what was going on.”

Rose reacted to what she called “false allegations made by individuals speaking on behalf of our former titleholder” in a statement sent to ABC News in May 2024.

“Such behavior is not accepted, and we can assure you that if such behavior ever occurred, we would take immediate steps to protect our titleholder and provide access to appropriate resources,” she added.

Srivastava said it was tough watching some people try to “weaponize” Voigt’s mental health in the aftermath of their resignations and claim the pageant queens were “crazy” or “difficult to work with.”

“Since that time, we’ve been able to work with a great number of organizations that we love, and I think it’s a testament that we’ve been able to maintain relationships both before and after our time with the Miss USA organization,” Srivastava added.

After Voigt and Srivastava resigned, the Miss USA and Miss Teen USA 2024 pageants went on as usual. The Miss Universe Organization, which oversees the Miss USA and Miss Teen USA pageants, did not investigate the allegations against Rose.

Rose and representatives for Miss USA and Miss Universe did not respond to requests for comment on this story. However, in a statement sent to Business Insider in July 2024, a spokesperson for Miss Universe said the organization was a “beacon of women empowerment and diversity” and remained committed to “promoting inclusion, transparency, and integrity, which will not be swayed by unfounded allegations.”

Bound by their nondisclosure agreements, Voigt and Srivastava hoped stepping down would send a message that they no longer believed in the Miss USA organization. They said little seemed to change.

“We thought it would have more of an impact,” Srivastava said. “It stopped a lot of girls from competing, but it didn’t fully put an end to what the issue was. We wish it had done more.”

Voigt said she doesn’t see how Miss USA will continue to move forward if nothing changes at the organization.

“Things will either stay the same or they’ll get worse, but I don’t see the opposite happening,” she said. “We were just the first to go through it. We saw a lot, we heard a lot, and we experienced a lot.”

“The truth comes out eventually,” Voigt continued. “Sometimes, it just takes longer than we want. People’s eyes are opening, and the rose-colored glasses — no pun intended — are starting to come off.”

Fighting for a different future

The week in Charleston was healing for Voigt and Srivastava. They took part in a mental health panel with the Miss All-American contestants, and Srivastava shared her past struggles with suicidal ideation and self-harm while being bullied in school.

“It was the first time I had ever shared that in a pageant space, and it was so well-received,” Srivastava said. “I think we should do more of that. Pageant girls are so much more than the gowns. We have ideas, and hearts, and minds — everything Jo March said in ‘Little Women.'”

“There were so many girls that came up to me and Uma after the panel and thanked us for talking about those things, because they do relate,” Voigt added. “If you’re touting women’s empowerment, you have to empower the women to talk about these hard things.”

Voigt and Srivastava credit pageantry for giving them the confidence to speak up. It’s why they still believe in the future of pageants.

“It makes me emotional to remember the girl that I was when I first started because I was so shy,” said Voigt, who began competing when she was 16. “I’m so grateful for my whole journey, and that we’re coming at this full-circle moment and getting to close our chapters with grace.”

The soul-searching that followed their resignations has led to unexpected career paths for the pageant queens. Voigt plans to attend nursing school, and Srivastava is attending New York University next spring to study marketing and music business.

“In the short term, it seemed bleak, I’m not going to lie,” Srivastava said of the period after they relinquished their crowns. “Both of us were kind of waffling about what we were going to do next, but it gave us time to step back and redefine our lives and what we wanted to do in the future.”

“The fact that now, a year later, this is our closing chapter for this era in our lives is really wonderful to see,” she added, “because sometimes things take time.”

When it came time to decide what to wear for their farewell walk, Voigt and Srivastava chose to go back to the beginning. Voigt shone in the sparkling gold gown from the night she was named Miss USA, and Srivastava brought back that winning purple dress her mother had once dreamed.

As their parents wiped away tears and the crowd rose for a standing ovation, Voigt and Srivastava said goodbye to their pageant careers.

“I didn’t lose a crown,” Voigt said that night. “I reclaimed my voice.”