Day: August 3, 2025

• Keeping track of family activities and appointments is a big task when you have four kids.
• Frustrated with my family’s disorganization, I implemented weekly family meetings.
• We go over schedules, determine rides, dole out allowances, and more at these hourlong meetings.

A few months ago, I was standing in the kitchen talking to one of my kids. Within 90 seconds, my other three kids and husband meandered in and started asking me more questions.

All at once, I had five voices hurling questions and requests at me. One wanted a ride to an extracurricular activity. Another asked when their dentist appointment was. Someone else was hungry.

I’d had enough.

We were all fed up with communication issues, last-minute requests and reminders, and overall disorganization. That’s when it dawned on me that we needed to have a sit-down, weekly family meeting.

For some, I’m sure this sounds too formal and constricting. However, before our weekly family meetings, we were always scrambling and rushing to get someone where they needed to be with everything they needed, like sports gear or snacks. Now, those stresses don’t exist. It has been a life-altering change for us.

These days, we meet every Saturday for about an hour (or as long as it takes) to discuss schedules, plans, requests, chores, and anything else that needs addressing. Here’s what we prioritize at our meetings.

Syncing schedules is our main goal

The No. 1 reason we started having family meetings was to discuss our plans for the coming week. Each family member has an electronic or paper planner that they bring to the meeting.

When we gather, each family member takes time to share what they have on tap for the upcoming week. This includes appointments, sports practices, games, meetings, and any social events that occur outside of school or working hours.

Each person is responsible for recording what’s shared to their own planner to prevent any “I didn’t know that was happening today!” moments. My husband and I are also able to determine right then and there who’s-taking-whom-where-and-when, as everyone presents their activities.

This is also a time to make special requests

We have two teens, a preteen, and a fourth kiddo who is almost a tween. When we have our family meeting, they each get a turn to share what they need for the upcoming week and ask permission for anything else they’d like to do, such as attend a social event, like a swimming party or movie night. When we negotiate rides, we also agree on pickup and drop-off times.

Sometimes they use this time to request that we grab a certain snack from the grocery store for them to share with friends, or if they need more of a particular school supply. We’re then able to immediately add that item, virtually, to our online shopping cart so we don’t forget about it.

This is when our kids get their allowance

Once a month, at our family meeting, we give the kids their allowance. We usually do this at our first meeting of the month, and it is up to them to make sure the money lasts the next few weeks.

This time also allows us to address any questions or requests they have at that moment, such as asking what they’re responsible for paying versus us.

They also might”pay up” for anything they owe another person, such as when a sibling loans them money or when someone might take on someone else’s chores in exchange for a few dollars.

We also have check-ins and make announcements

At our meeting, each person also gets time to share how they are doing, what they are looking forward to, and what they need help with.

For my kids, this often means talking about academics, such as any areas of struggle that may require some tutoring support. Each can also share any announcements they have that pertain to the group. I shared my new teaching job with my kids at our last meeting.

The meetings have taught my kids how to negotiate

Our meetings often operate as a “suggestion box” for our crew. For example, we recently brought home a new dog, and we were struggling to name him. We passed around a paper at this meeting, allowing each person to write down the top three dog names they wanted considered. (I am sad to report that we have yet to name the dog, but we are trying!)

This is also the time when the kids may bring up a struggle they’re having within the household, which often has to do with chores or rules. We are able to discuss these issues as a family and make adjustments as needed.

• At 40, I’m an empty nester.
• I had all three of my kids by 21. Being a young parent was tough, but I wouldn’t change a thing.
• Now, I have the energy to pursue new interests and travel while my friends are still having kids.

When I tell people I’m an empty nester at 40, they look at me like I’ve just revealed some impossible math equation. How can someone my age already be done with active parenting when most of my peers are still knee-deep in diaper changes and preschool pickup lines?

The answer is simple: I had all three of my children by the time I was 21.

I know what you’re thinking. Teen pregnancy, unplanned parenthood, probably a struggle story about growing up too fast. And you’d be right about it all. Having kids so young was incredibly challenging. I was figuring out who I was while simultaneously trying to raise three tiny humans who needed me to have all the answers I definitely didn’t have.

But here’s what nobody tells you about being a young parent: if you can survive those early years, you end up in the most incredible sweet spot later in life.

Many of my friends are experiencing parenting stages I’ve already been through

While some of my friends are posting first-day-of-kindergarten photos and complaining about sleepless nights with newborns, others are navigating the complex world of middle school drama and teenage attitudes. Meanwhile, I’m posting pictures from weekend trips and actually sleeping through the night.

When they’re researching preschools or stressing about the drama of high school, I’m helping my kids navigate college applications and starting their own businesses. When they’re dealing with toddler tantrums or teenage mood swings, I’m having real conversations with my adult children about life, relationships, and their dreams.

Being a young parent was tough, but I wouldn’t change a thing

Don’t get me wrong — I’m not gloating. After all, those early years were rough, and I remember feeling so isolated from my peers who were out partying while I was home with babies. I missed out on a lot of typical early-20s experiences. There were moments when I wondered if I’d made a terrible mistake.

But now, at 40, I can see the bigger picture. And honestly? I wouldn’t change a thing.

The energy difference alone is remarkable. While some of my friends are exhausted from chasing toddlers around playgrounds and others are stressed about teenage driving lessons and college prep, I have the physical and mental energy to pursue new interests, travel, and even consider new career paths.

I can stay out late without worrying about a babysitter or curfew negotiations. I can take spontaneous weekend trips. I can focus on doing the things I love without constantly being interrupted by little voices asking for snacks or teenage drama demanding immediate attention.

More importantly, I get to watch my children become adults while I’m still young enough to really enjoy it. My youngest is 20 now, and our relationship has evolved into something I never expected — we’re genuinely friends. We text each other funny memes, grab dinner together, and he actually asks for my advice (and sometimes even takes it).

There’s something magical about being able to guide your adult children through their early career decisions, relationship challenges, and life transitions while you’re still figuring out your own next chapter. We’re growing and evolving together, just in different ways than when they were little.

And here’s something that might sound controversial: I could still have another baby if I wanted to. At 40, I’m not too old. I’m healthy, energetic, and financially stable in ways I never was in my 20s. The difference is that now it would be a choice, not an accident. There’s something empowering about that.

I’ve also discovered that my experience as a young parent gives me a unique perspective that other parents find valuable. I can offer advice to friends who are struggling with toddlers because I remember those days vividly, but I can also share insights about what really matters in the long run because I’ve already seen my kids grow up.

The truth is, there’s no perfect time to have children. Every path has its challenges and its rewards. But if you’re a young parent reading this and feeling overwhelmed, I want you to know that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. And that light? It’s pretty spectacular.

So while my friends are just beginning their parenting journeys, I’m entering a new phase of life with wisdom, energy, and freedom that I never could have imagined when I was 21 and overwhelmed.

It really is the sweetest spot to be in.

• Charity Kreher jumped at the opportunity to move her family from Oklahoma to Puerto Rico.
• They have less space now, but spend more time outside than they did on the mainland.
• While some things cost more, their community has been more welcoming than they expected.

This as-told-to essay is based on conversations with Charity Kreher, 34, a project manager who moved from Tulsa, Oklahoma, to San Juan, Puerto Rico, in November 2024 with her husband and two young children. The conversation has been edited for length and clarity.

My husband had a job opportunity in Puerto Rico, and we thought it was a cool opportunity to dive into a totally different culture.

We started out in Missouri and moved to Virginia for work and lived there for eight years. Then we moved to Oklahoma and lived there for five years.

We were like, “If we don’t do it, would we be kicking ourselves for not getting out of our comfort zone?” We’d be showing our kids that it’s OK to get out of their comfort zone — as long as you have some things in place.

It worked out with my husband’s job to just do a full-on relocation, and my job allowed me a remote opportunity.

Before we moved here, I had never visited Puerto Rico. So when we landed in November, it was the first time I’d ever seen it — besides my husband FaceTiming me when he came down earlier in 2024 for all of his interviews.

Puerto Rico’s diverse outdoor activities made us more active as a family

Oklahoma was extremely affordable and we had a very nice house and a very nice community. But there wasn’t an outdoor aspect to be able to enjoy.

We had a 3,500-square-foot house, and we downsized to a 1,500-square-foot apartment. We’re in an oceanfront high-rise building. It’s a three-bed, two-bath, and it’s $6,500 a month.

We’re finding that we can do without as much space, and that’s OK. And the goal isn’t to be in our apartment as much. We’re able to get out and enjoy different areas and maybe we don’t need as much space or stuff as we thought.

We’re finding ourselves enjoying being outside more — we use more sunscreen, but we’re not trying to just keep the kids occupied by going to some park. We’re enjoying the beaches, the different trails, and the different scenery.

Oklahoma was pretty, too — they call it the green country, with the rolling hills and some lakes — but the beaches are really cool down here.

My husband and I like to stay active. We play pickleball two times a week at some of the local courts, and then they do beach tennis on the beaches in Ocean Park or on the Carolina side. You can do beach tennis easily on the weekends — that was a new sport we hadn’t heard of, but it’s really fun.

We’re getting into running, so there are a ton of 5Ks and 10Ks, and people here take it seriously. On Saturdays and Sundays, this road that we live on is pretty dead in the mornings, so there are a ton of runners out between 5 a.m. and 10 a.m. It’s this huge community, and you start seeing the same people every weekend. So we’ve found ourselves being really active.

Our kids’ school transition has been a breeze thanks to the welcoming community

Where we were living in Oklahoma, we were quite a ways from the school. My kids were taking the school bus, or we were doing drop-off at day care.

Here, we decided to live in the city, just a couple of blocks down from the school that we chose. So it’s been a really unique experience just being able to walk my kids to and from school.

And the afterschool activities are ones that I wouldn’t have found Stateside when it comes to the music- or the culture-based classes, like Spanish in the school. Hopefully they’ll end up bilingual.

I had heard that everybody was going to be friendly and inviting and whatnot, but I don’t even think people were this friendly in Oklahoma.

Everything on the island is based around WhatsApp, so there are all these chats. Even if you’re new, people are reaching out and trying to build connections and are sharing things like school uniforms. It didn’t take us long to feel comfortable in a new school.

What’s crazy down here is it’s not just the local Puerto Rican people that we’re able to meet at the schools. We’re meeting people from all over the world.

Right now, our daughter has classmates who have come from China, New Zealand, and some who have also transplanted from the States. It’s just this whole melting pot that I really didn’t know we would find, from a community perspective, with the school.

Puerto Rico is more expensive than I expected and we’re getting used to the frequent power outages

You can find the cheap vendors and some cheap restaurants, but the cost of food is not super cheap, which I was surprised by.

We’re easily spending $75 to $100 for a family of four with two kids — and my kids don’t eat that much. And we’re not getting super fine dining; that might be a burger and fries. So I wasn’t super impressed with the cost of food here.

I wouldn’t say the cost of groceries is insane. We have Costco just like in the States, so you can get discounted prices if you shop there. There are supermarkets everywhere, but there are some items that I know we don’t get down here. We had the egg shortage, and we’re still having the egg shortage, so you really have to be picky.

Another con is the utilities. The last time we were at church, the power went out halfway through the sermon, and they didn’t have a generator.

Our apartment building has a generator and a cistern, so we’re fine. But our friends who live a couple of blocks from us have been without water, so the city’s been having to deliver potable water.

You wouldn’t believe how frequently the stoplights go out and how we all just know how to handle it. Whereas in Tulsa, if a stoplight went out, people would be posting on Facebook saying, “Be careful!” Here, it’s just every other day, and you just work your way through it.

The utilities, in general, are struggling, but you just have to learn to adapt to it. Keeping bottles of water on hand and having a cistern or finding a place to live that has that was a priority for us. So was finding a building with a generator so that if we went without power, it wouldn’t impact my work, because that was kind of the deal.

My family was so worried when we said we were going to move because we didn’t really know as much about the island as we probably should have. When you hear “island,” you might think second- or third-world country, but honestly, they’re all living life basically the same way that we are in the States.

Organized sports, happy hours — it’s not different at all. Some things are different, but you’re not left wanting, like maybe some folks would imagine.