Day: April 18, 2025

Sorry to overwhelm you, but there are lots of different types of apologies. Some are heartfelt; others are inflammatory. Some are just meaningless uses of the word “sorry”—a language habit we should all try to fix so that true apologies carry more weight.

“Understanding these different types of apologies helps us become more discerning about the messages we receive, and more intentional about the ones we send,” says Audra Nuru, a professor of communication studies and family studies at the University of St. Thomas in St. Paul, Minn. “It hopefully helps us foster more authentic and meaningful communication in our lives.”

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We asked Nuru to break down the nine most common types of apologies.

The genuine apology

This is the gold-standard apology—the Rolls-Royce or Dom Pérignon of saying sorry. “It’s the kind we all hope to give and receive,” Nuru says. For example: “I know I’ve hurt you, and I sincerely regret it. I wish I hadn’t done it, and I won’t do it again.”

Read More: 8 Ways to Apologize Well

It’s clear that the person issuing this apology truly feels the weight of their actions, takes full responsibility for the harm they caused, and, perhaps most pivotally, is determined to behave better in the future. “What makes it genuine is their sincere empathy and clear commitment to change,” Nuru says. “It’s the gold standard because it’s harder [than other types of apologies].”

The courtesy apology

If your boss needs your team to work late on an important project, he or she might break the news like this: “I’m sorry for the short notice, but I’m going to need you to stay a bit later tonight.” It’s a way of acknowledging that something they did or said might be seen as problematic, but they’re apologizing because of an expectation to do so—adhering to a “social norm,” Nuru says—and not because they intend to adjust their behavior in the future. “They’re politely nodding to the disruption, and they probably do feel bad,” she adds. “But they’re not saying they won’t do it again.”

The sympathetic apology

When someone you care about is experiencing a hardship, like a breakup, you might tell them you’re sorry—even though the situation isn’t your fault. Doing so expresses your support and sympathy, and makes it clear that your shoulder is theirs to cry on any time they need it. “We want to offer comfort, even if we weren’t the ones to cause someone’s pain,” Nuru says. “You’re offering to gently share the burden of that sorrow or that tough time.”

The clarification apology

If you didn’t hear or understand what someone said, you may ask them to repeat it—and apologize for the inconvenience. If a colleague is giving instructions for an important project, for example, and you missed a key part, you might say something like, “Oh, sorry, could you repeat that part about the deadline? I didn’t quite catch it.” “You’re not expressing regret,” Nuru says. “It’s simply a polite way to signal that you didn’t hear or understand something, and need the speaker to say it again.”

The explanation apology

Sometimes, people try to provide context and justify their actions—under the guise of apologizing, but without actually doing so. “They use the word ‘sorry,’ but they’re focusing on explaining the circumstances surrounding an event,” Nuru says. “Their aim is more about providing an excuse, and sometimes they inadvertently minimize their own role in what happened.” For example: “Sorry I’m late, but the traffic was unbelievable—there was a big accident and everything was backed up.” “It’s a quick shift from that ‘sorry’ to the external reason,” she says.

The conditional apology

If rage has ever bubbled up inside you when someone told you they’re “sorry if you’re upset” or “sorry you feel that way,” then you’ve received a conditional apology. In other words: They don’t think they did anything wrong, but if you’re offended, they’re sorry.

Read More: 11 Questions to Ask on a First Date

“The apology becomes dependent on how the other person feels, rather than the speaker acknowledging any inherent harm in their actions,” Nuru says. It comes across as insincere and insufficient, because, well, it is.

The confrontational apology

In addition to scoffing at the fact that they hurt your feelings, some people will escalate the situation by apologizing in an exaggerated way intended to mock you. “It’s used to express resentment and make the other person uncomfortable,” Nuru says. You’ll be able to tell by the person’s tone, as well as body language like an eye roll or heavy sigh. Plus, it’s often delivered with heavy sarcasm: “I’m so sorry I couldn’t read your mind.”

Read More: How to Bring Up Someone’s Bad Hygiene Without Offending Them

While there’s usually not much you can say in response in the moment, it’s helpful to revisit at a later time, she adds, letting the other person know you were hurt by the exchange.

The doubt apology

If someone can’t believe the words that just rolled out of your mouth, they might pretend to have misheard you in order to express disbelief or challenge your statement. Think: “I’m sorry, your cat’s Instagram account made how much money last year?” Or: “I’m sorry, I must have misheard. Did you just say you won the lottery and met Brad Pitt on the same day?” “It’s a tactic to question the other person’s statement,” Nuru says. “Like, ‘Wait, did you really say that?’ ‘Sorry for mishearing’ is a thinly veiled way to express their skepticism.”

The buffer apology

One of the most common types of apologies is saying “I’m sorry” to soften words or requests. When people do this, “They’re preemptively acknowledging what they perceive to be a minor inconvenience or maybe their own perceived shortcomings,” Nuru says. “It’s often unnecessarily used as a way to be overly polite and avoid seeming demanding.” Someone might say “I’m sorry to bother you,” for example, even when their request is perfectly reasonable—which could be interpreted as a lack of confidence.

Often, people aren’t aware of their over-apologizing habits, Nuru adds. “When I hear it, I try to gently encourage them to take up that space,” she says. “They’re just as deserving of time and space as everybody else.”

A client recently lamented, “I can’t do these wine bar dates anymore! It’s $20 for just one drink with tip. I could get at least two bottles of wine at Trader Joe’s for that.” Similarly, a couple I work with is trying to bring intimacy back into their relationship, so they want to have more date nights but also stay within their monthly budget. Another client shared that he wanted to attend a speed dating event in his city but needed to hold off until next month to make that work financially.

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These are the stories I’m hearing more and more as people navigate their love lives while feeling financial insecurity, let alone a potential recession. As people think about how to cut back on their general expenses, regardless of whether they’re single or partnered, it’s clear that the economy has a massive effect on the ways we date, too.

The classic date night, consisting of an evening out on the town with dinner, drinks, seeing a movie or show, or enjoying a shared activity, is more expensive than it has been in the past. According to the 2025 BMO Real Financial Progress Index, the average American spends $2,279 on dates in a year—about $168 per date. Compare that to the cost of a date consisting of dinner and a movie for two in 2007, before the last recession, which was $73 ($85.72 when adjusted for inflation). In an economic downturn, the costs associated with our current standard of going out may become just too high for some.

Read More: Is a Recession Looming? What to Expect from Trump’s Tariffs

What’s more, a recession in 2025 will likely not include the same access to social safety nets, given the Trump administration’s many cuts to national aid such as housing, food, and health, that helped those who lost their houses and jobs in the Great Recession. We’re in such a different position now than we were then, making recession-related anxieties feel heightened.

Then, there’s the societal pressure to spend money on dates as a sign of financial security and responsibility. This expectation is exemplified by the 2023 viral subreddit post in which a man named Vance shared his message exchange with a woman who refused to go for ice cream with him on a hot day as their first date. She stated that an ice cream date would be the “absolute bare minimum” for her and that it would be a waste of both of their time. The frenzy of comments included observations that inexpensive first dates can be read as unserious or lacking in effort. Another viral video featuring a woman rejecting a man because he took her to The Cheesecake Factory on their first date made the rounds that very year, too. Her critique was that she deserved better than to be taken to a chain restaurant.

But what will happen when things are financially way tougher for everyone? Will people be more open and accept that a simple, inexpensive date isn’t the sign of low effort but rather a reflection of the economy none of us asked for?

If the past is any indicator of what dating might look like in the future, then the answer is yes. In 2009, The New York Times asked readers to weigh in on how their dating lives had changed due to the recession. This piece highlighted that activity on dating sites actually increased during the recession, bucking the assumption that people would just choose not to date when times are hard financially. The mostly male commenters shared that they were opting out of taking dates to trendy spots in favor of more budget-friendly options. Others shared that they made cocktails at home for date nights with their partner and saved up for an occasional night out. One commenter suggested finding cheap or free events to attend, which aligns with thoughts shared on a 2018 Reddit post from a user who asked what dating was like in the recession. Respondents to this post reflected that they had a lot of park dates and took advantage of restaurants that offered special deals.

A common thread between people who dated through the last recession was a sense that, because the world felt unstable, they wanted to find a solid partnership even more. Most daters noted that their dates understood the need for frugality, and in some cases, it fueled more creative dates. Sure, dating apps weren’t as ubiquitous then, and people shared that house parties brought people together in ways that we haven’t really seen since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic. But with changing economic needs, we may see a shift away from dating app subscriptions in favor of more free, in-person events. Despite all its uncertainties, a recession could bring back some of the more collective (and cost-efficient) ways we used to gather and meet each other.

There are already calls to bring back parties, and people are on the hunt for inexpensive ways to spend quality time together. A recent “Sit Club” event in San Francisco, for example, was organized as a way for people to gather without the pretense of running or the expense of buying running gear. We may see more free events like this that bring people together just for a good time.

Perhaps the silver lining of recession dating is that dates get stripped down to the essentials, making them more about connection and quality time and less about going to “the best” places and trying to impress others with how much we spend. Though financial insecurity causes incredible stress, one hope is that, inadvertently, it redefines what fulfilling and romantic connections look like in the future.